How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
