So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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