phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
