after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
My pussy is not your playground.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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