Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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