My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
