Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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