dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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