How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
