every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
