my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
