Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
