the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
