Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
