I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
