She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
