I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
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