I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
