Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize
