Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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