she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
