whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Randomize
