Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
