My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
