I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
