New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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