I hate your face
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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