That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
