I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
