Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
