so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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