Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
