I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
