my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
