Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I need to calm my uterus...
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