theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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