In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
