two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
