I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
