is your mom at the bar?
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
