he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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