He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Randomize
