Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
