I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
