To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
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