PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
