i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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