You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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