Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
