so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
