The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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