Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Hippo gnu deer
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Randomize
