well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
