i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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