Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
We left an ass print on the piano.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
