Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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